Writing Exercise: Dialogue Opener

Audrey Hepburn

A few things I want to achieve here

1. Is this sexy tingly enough as a intro paragraph?

2. Is the dialogue fluent, good enough to bring out the characters

Please leave your thoughts and comments.

Into the Fire

There was a knock on the door.

“We’ve got a problem detective, best if ya come and take a look.”

“Get Patrick for crying out loud! He’s on duty now and I’m busy!”

“We tried sir, but we can’t get him. They fished out another body from the East River an hour ago, and the chief wants one of you to be on scene right now.”

“Ah Christ, hang on, I’m comin’!” Erik shouted before turning back to matters at hand. “Sorry sugar, but duty calls.”

“Dammnit, what about me!” Marie hissed.

“I could get that nice constable outside to keep you warm till I get back,” the detective grinned. “Now get off me will ya, I got work to do.”

Marie sighed, “Now I know why I didn’t marry a cop.”

Erik rolled his buxom companion onto the other side of the bed. “You didn’t marry a cop because your daddy wouldn’t let ya. Now where’s my pants?”

“Here!” Marie snapped as she threw the pair of khaki-colored trousers onto his face before hiding herself under the sheets, pouting angrily at the detective.

“I was just teasing sweetheart.” he said, crawling over the bed to plant a apologetic kiss on the lips on his lover. “Have some wine if you like. I promise I’ll be back soon.”

Instantly, Marie’s frown disappeared. She loved wine almost as much as she loved the dashing detective. For all of Erik’s gruffness, the man was a hidden wine connoisseur. He knew how to appreciate the finer things in life. “Don’t take too long sweet cheeks,” she said as she got up to browse the selection in the wine cabinet. “Daryl will kill me if I’m not home by midnight.”

“Don’t worry, dead bodies are easy to deal with. It’s the ones who are still breathing that make my life a living hell.” Erik answered as he laced his shoes. “As for you, would you kindly stay in the apartment. If you need to go outside for a smoke, please put on some clothes. You almost gave Mr Jones a heart attack the last time.”

“Oh, don’t be such a pissy about it. I’ll wait until he’s asleep this time, then I’ll walk around as naked as I want.” Marie replied with a smirk on her face, pouring herself a glass of vintage red. “One drink before you leave?”

You little devil,” Erik grinned, giving her a playful squeeze as he got up to leave. “But seriously, keep your eyes open. This city ain’t as safe as it used to be.”

Marie made a face. “You mean that psycho who’s been going around? Don’t worry, I know where to cut a man to make him bleed.” she said, jabbing a finger into Erik’s groin. “Besides, I’m sleeping with a detective. He’ll protect me, won’t he.”

Erik kissed her again. “Just promise me alright. I’ll really hate to lose you now.” He said, hesistating for a moment. “In fact, I think I’m really starting to like you.”

“Yea, yea, whatever.” Marie replied, deflecting the confessions of the lovesick detective. She downed her wine in a single gulp and poured herself another. “I was raised in the streets you know.”

“Errrm sir?” came the voice from outside the door.

“I said I’m coming! Jesus, it’s just a dead body, not the end of world.” Erik tucked his shirt tails into his pants before walking to the door. Opening it, he saw the rookie Williams standing outside.

“You need to come quickly sir. Forensics is already on the scene, they…” Suddenly, William forgot what he was going to say. He was staring at Marie standing beside the wine cabinet, stark naked except for the wine in her hand.

Marie winked seductively at the constable and gave him a little toast.

“For heaven’s sake, get back in the room.” Erik shouted. Turning back to the rookie, he snapped. “One word about this to anyone and you’ll be pulling all-nighters for the next fifteen years, do you understand.”

“Yes sir,” William replied with a wide grin on his face. Detective Erik always had a reputation for being a hardhead, but apparently he was quite the ladies man as well. The boys at the station are going to give him hell for this once they find out.

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3 thoughts on “Writing Exercise: Dialogue Opener

  1. Your characters have great voices. Nicely done.

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