After The Accident: Part 3

After The Accident: Part 3

It was still raining when Eric woke up. Outside, he could still hear thunder booming in the sky. Propping himself up on the bed, he winced as a throbbing pain shot through his forehead. Blood roared behind his ears as he shook his head to clear his vision.

Ripping the catheter out of his forearm, he staggered to his feet and tried to walk. Immediately, he felt his vision swirling from the effort as he fell back onto the bed. His bearings were lost in the tumultuous storm going on inside his head, and he found it hard to remain balanced. Unable to walk, he put his hands to the cold hard floor and slowly dragged himself off the white cotton bed.

“Sir, what are you doing…Sir!”

Damn them, damn them all to hell Eric thought through the sedated dullness of his mind. He was in no mood to deal with anymore of this nonsense. All he wanted was see his wife, and he wanted to see her now. Strong hands grabbed Eric by his arms and pulled him to his feet. He stumbled, but the hands kept him up. A plastic cup was raised to his mouth, forcing liquid into his mouth. He struggled fiercely against it, refusing to be sedated again.

“It’s water, drink it,” the deep calming voice standing beside him said.

Eric tasted the clear liquid touching his lips, it is water. Realizing how parched he was, he drank deeply from the cup, feeling the cool liquid flowing down his painful throat. Finishing everything, he asked for more.

“That’s enough for now. You need to take things slow, everything is going to be alright.”

Eric was feeling much better now. His head still felt like a leaden weight, but at least he could focus his eyes now. Turning his head, he saw a rugged looking gentleman standing beside him. He had a craggy face and greying hair, and was probably in his fifties. Eric saw he had a white coat on and presumed he was a doctor.

“Where’s my wife, is she still alive?” Eric demanded, anxious to find out Kyla’s fate. He shrugged off the doctor’s hand supporting his arm and staggered a little. He still felt a little short on breath, but at least he was strong enough to stand now.

“Calm down Eric, she’s in the operating room. We’re still working on her. She was in quite a bad shape when the two of you were brought in last night. She lost a lot of blood,” the doctor said, his voice tapering off towards the last.

“Is she going to make it?” Eric asked, dropping his voice to almost a whisper. His face was grim with fear, but his eyes, wide and unblinking, betrayed the glimmer of hope he held in his chest.

Doctor Watson placed a reassuring hand on Eric’s shoulder and smiled. “We’re trying their best Eric. That’s all I can say, anything more would be a lie,” he said calmly, afraid of agitating the grief-stricken man any further.

“Thank you doctor…”

“Watson, Doctor Watson.” the older man acknowledged with a nod of his head.

–End Of Part Three–

Part One Here  Part Two Here

Writers Notes 

 1. I am having fun with this whole non-visual thing. It’s easier to write narratively when you don’t use visuals as a crutch.

2. This three short chapters have improved me in using action-narrative plot advancement, instead of normal descriptive-narrative and using dialogue to move the plot.

3. I lost some steam towards the end, when vision came back into play. Suddenly I felt the need for Eric to look at him and speak. I feel enlightened now to know I need to dump the visual crutch.

4. Still very open ended as to how the story can go from here. But I think the setting is captivating enough so far that I can throw the plot somewhere further back. Not sure if this should be something I should be mindful of.

5. Can someone give me a better way to write this – “His face was grim with fear, but his eyes, wide and unblinking, betrayed the glimmer of hope he held in his chest.” 

Advertisements

7 thoughts on “After The Accident: Part 3

  1. Try this for your line that you posted:

    “His face was grim with fear, eyes wide, and unblinking. Despite his bleak gaze, in his eyes echoed the glimmer of hope he held deep within his chest.”

    • Thanks! But I’m looking for a more straight-forward way of putting it, not making it as epic as yours. But wow, that’s some strong emotive writing there.

      • Ooooh, gotcha! No problem at all! I figured it was more intense feeling, but I see what you mean now 😀

        Thank you by the way; I hope you luck figuring out the line. I know it’s a pain when you can’t get the bloody wording right.

      • Just messing around, I’m not that good with the flowery stuff. If I ever write something, it’s probably going to be more direct stuff than the dance around with words approach.

  2. “His face was grim with fear, but his eyes, wide and unblinking, betrayed the glimmer of hope he held in his chest.” You want it more concise? How about –

    His grim expression belied (contradicted) the glimmer of hope he felt inside.

    ‘Belied’ is a better word (I thought) but it rhymes with inside, which is a bit off-putting. ‘Contradicted’ works, but it’s longer. You could also change ‘inside’ to ‘within’.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s